This is something i wrote 6 years back and completely forgot all about it! Finding it has made me want to post it so bear with me.Its an unedited version.
I would like to share this story with all of you today as it has changed the way i view certain things in life.
Once in 9th grade we were taken on a 2 day trek to a near by hill. It was an adventure camp aimed at giving us a taste of what it might feel like to be one with nature. We were all excited to attempt the new to us adventure activities lined up within the boundaries of a controlled environment. I feel its pivotal to mention that by ‘we’ i mean everyone else but me. I was in general your average fearlessly crazy weird ,raving mad person with reluctance that fluidly ran second nature to the blood in my veins. I was scared stiff of activities like rock climbing and rappelling just cause i was worried about not being able to do them. I had to be good and not just good but best at everything i tried at the very first attempt. None of us are not naive enough to not think that way ,this applies to me even today 6 years later . i didn’t know i had claustrophobic and acrophobic tendencies before then. I was very comfortable walking the flat unchallenging horizontal surface having done it for the most part of my life !
First up we were to climb in between 2 rocks with just our bare hands for support with no harness.We did have help but had to support ourselves up the rock something no one could do for us. Wanting to get all this over with, a sudden spurt of dutch like courage i volunteered to go first.(believe me i was just as surprised)
As soon as i had gone a few meters from where i had started from,i just slid back to my starting point. This continued on until i decided that the problem was my shoes and insisted that they didnt have enough grippers on them.It led to the exchange of shoes with my friend. I could hear the dull cheer of all my friends backing me up to succeed with my second shot. But it remained futile. I started panicking and negative thoughts such as ‘i cant do it’,’i dont want to do it’ ,all started swarming my mind.So i gave up on it. deciding that rock climbing was just not my cup of tea. I ran away from there!! I came back in time to cheer my friend who was attempting the same feat that i had just so easily given up on. I could see she was doing a much better job that i ever had. i could see her lips forming the words ‘i can do it ‘ ,’i will do it’ over and over again.And then it hit me ,it was not my shoes or the fact that i was in pain that i couldnt do it,i could clearly see my friend climbing bare foot. It was just an astonishing simple fact that i had succumbed to my own negative thoughts and believed them.Crazy thing your own mind,it can be your deepest ally or your worse enemy if you do not know how to control it!
That day i realised there will always be mountains i will attempt to conquer in my life. There will always be changes that i need to adapt and get accustomed to. There will always be barriers to push past but most of all there will always be such small failures to set me back and with that there will always be that small needy voice at the back of my head coaxing me to give up! And there at all times will be a pivotal choice to make. Is failing to try better than trying and failing? I could either decide to push through the small discomforts ,the trivial boundaries ask that needy voice to shut up and decide to do it anyway ,prove that voice and everyone else wrong. But i can also just say aaah.. not today maybe some other day and live with the cowardice!
Believe me as i speak from personal experience , saying no to life and all the opportunities and choices it offers is just a way to let it feed off your fear. It never lets you face up to the fear and makes you feel weak when in actual reality there is nothing to be afraid off! We are the most evolved beings capable of everything the mind is capable of believing and thinking! Let nothing deter you from what you want to do. Challenging yourself and pushing your personal boundaries gives you a heady intoxicating feelings of joy and a sense of achievement. The results wont matter as much cause you get a sense of satisfaction avoiding regrets and the what ifs.
I volunteered first and rappelled down a 14ft hill and received a pin . And the rest as they say is history. This is learning i had definitely forgotten. Believing in ones own ability and potential is the way to do things people perceive impossible